Hey there! This is TOP episode 84. 4 Ways To Deal With Fear Of Judgement
My name’s Ola and I am an English teacher. My goal is to help you start speaking English with confidence and get rid of speaking barriers. I believe it is achievable for you. And it’s time you started speaking English fearlessly! Go to my website for full transcripts and worksheets to each episode. Happy learning!
Hello, welcome back. I’m excited you’re here. You know the title of this episode, so I assume that fear of judgement is something you might be struggling with. I feel for you. I know exactly how it feels to be afraid of speaking English. Well, I’ve been there, and I have created my own ways of dealing with this irrational fear of judgement. I’m going to share with you my 4 best ways, go-to methods that used to help me a lot. They still do help me on many occasions, but I don’t need them for my English. It feels amazing to be able to finally say it. It really does. It’ll never cease to amaze me that I did it. Well, please relax, make yourself some nice cup of tea and learn about my personal four top ways of dealing with fear of judgement.
One more thing, before I jump into it. You know what’s the worst? The worst is when there is someone speaking good English next to you. Be it your colleagues, friends, peers, even strangers. It doesn’t matter. Because it all boils down to one thing, the whole situation boils down to this feeling. Vulnerability. You feel vulnerable because you’re surrounded by people or maybe there’s just one person next to you who, you know, speaks very good English. Better English. It’s insane. Because you have a feeling that it would be so much easier to speak English to the person you want to speak rather than being witnessed speaking English to someone. You might notice you are not afraid of speaking English itself you are afraid of being judged. I remember this fear. It’s shaped me, it’s made me who I am. Thanks to that fear I’ve overcome I’m here today and I hope my three ways of dealing with the fear of judgment may help you.
Number one:
Talk yourself out of it. Talk yourself out of it. Good old self talk. You have to be your own best friend. Treat yourself kindly and judge yourself well. Positively. Instead of beating yourself up, tell yourself the truth. You haven’t been born with this fear. It’s acquired. It’s a learnt fear.
Now all you need to do is unlearn it. Please note that it doesn’t have to be that easy for everyone. Stay with me because I’ll tell you what to do if you really can’t talk yourself out of this fear. ok? Right. So! How to talk yourself out of it? As I said before, be your kindest friend, judge yourself positively. Recently I’ve heard Gabby Bernstein saying: ‘instead of saying ‘what if’ tell yourself: ‘no matter what’. Rewire your brain. So, instead of asking yourself what will I do if he or she judges me, sees me, hears me talking, making mistakes? Tell yourself this: No matter what circumstances, no matter who listens to me, no matter how many mistakes I make, I’m going to do this. I’m going to speak English and I’ll be fine. Everything is going to be just fine. I’ll be ok. No matter what. Additionally, you can ask yourself what is the best that could happen. What’s the best possible outcome from this presentation I have to give? What’s the best possible outcome of this job interview in English? What’s the best possible outcome of this conversation? What’s the best possible outcome of this small talk? And add to it: No matter what it’ll turn out alright.
Number two:
Fake it till you become it. I applied this long before I learned it from Amy Cuddy in her Ted talk titled: You body language may shape who you are. It’s a must watch, I’ll link it in the show notes. Find them at teacherola.com/84. It’s pure gold. Everything you need is there, so please check it! It might change how your life unfolds. Ok? It’s THAT powerful. This is science Harvard Professor, Amy Cuddy has done research, she’s really looked into the problem. Well, it boils down to taking power poses, standing strong, feeling your foundation, maybe in front of the mirror. I’m talking about wonder woman or superman poses. You do it for two minutes. Your hormones do the work. Testosterone increases significantly, and your cortisol drops and you are prepared physically for doing whatever needs to be done. Giving that presentation in English, talking to that client from abroad, having that informal chat with a colleague, going to that job interview, talking to local people abroad and so on. No matter what it is, power poses really do work. Do your thing. Do whatever needs to be done and in no time you will realize, you are doing it! You actually became the person who speaks English fearlessly.
If you need scientific data how it works, go for more to that TED talk. So number one was talk yourself out of it, number two was power poses, what’s number 3?
Number three
Visualise. Visualise yourself doing a great job. That’s it. See it, make a movie in your mind and play it. Smile at how easy it was to speak English in that meeting, in that situation. You had no idea it would be that smooth, pleasurable and easy! Visualise yourself speaking English fearlessly and do it regularly. Every day.
Number four.
Study. Keep studying English. Gain more knowledge, because your confidence comes with competence. If you know how to pronounce words, if you know how to express abstract ideas because you’ve learned it, practiced it, you’ve been speaking out loud to yourself. It’s not that competence should go first. I think they go hand in hand. Competence and confidence. You learn something new. Let’s say you’ve learned how to say ‘I don’t know’ in other ways in English. Does it give you confidence?
Test it in real life. If you have no one to speak to, talk to yourself. Use those phrases out loud. Go to episode 9 and learn more about talking to yourself in English. Don’t rest on laurels, be smart and keep studying. New words, phrases, but also revise your grammar every now and then. Think about it. If you have a presentation to give, and you’ve studied some nice phrases for giving presentations. You’ve learned what phrases to use to open the presentation and to give an outline. I’m 100% sure you will feel much more confident knowing you’ve learned the vocab, and you are right. You have the knowledge which builds up your confidence. You’ll feel pumped to share your work, you’ll outshine everyone. That’s the spirit! You see, it’s not about not making mistakes. Make mistakes, that a ok. It’s just about your confidence. Studying may give you that extra boost of confidence.
I’m glad you’ve come this far in the episode because I have a bonus way of dealing with the fear of judgement. Number five, just for you! Straight from my heart to yours. Affirmations. Yes, I know, it might sound like some woo-woo solution. But what the heck! It worked for me, I’ll share it. I’m honest, I’m not going to keep anything to myself. If you think I’m crazy, that’s ok. I’m at peace with that. I’ll give you a few affirmations. What to do with them? Say them out loud, obviously! What did you expect from me? Say it out loud! Preferably, taking power poses. Here they go:
Your judgments have no impact on me.
Whatever you think about my skills doesn’t impact me.
Nothing you say will determine who I am.
You can judge me whichever way you want.
You don’t have a privilege of making me sad or happy.
I am fearless, I am determined.
My mind is clear and calm.
One more thing before we wrap up. If the five ways I offered don’t cut it for you, it’s fine. Figure out what might work for you. Also, keep in mind that it’s ok to seek some professional advice, therapy. You know, never underrate your issues. Maybe there’s something more underlying your fear of judgement. It might be some trauma from childhood, especially from school, it might be social anxiety disorder. I don’t know. What I know for sure is, if you reckon my ideas insufficient, consider other options. And be your best friend. Ok? Take care of yourself.
This episode is actionable. Maybe even more than others, but I have prepared the sentences to repeat after me. You know the drill. If you don’t, if it’s your first time here, listen. I’ll give you 15 sentences, I’ll read each twice for you to listen to and then repeat out loud. Let’s begin:
I know exactly how it feels to be afraid of speaking English.
You know what’s the worst?
Because it all boils down to one thing.
It’s shaped me.
You have to be your own best friend.
Rewire your brain.
Your body language may shape who you are.
It might change how your life unfolds.
Testosterone increases significantly.
Visualise yourself speaking English fearlessly and do it regularly.
Gain more knowledge, because your confidence comes with competence.
Don’t rest on laurels
Your judgments have no impact on me.
My mind is clear and calm.
Never underrate your issues.
Well done! Now go to your inbox and grab the worksheet which is your homework. If you’re not a member of TOPeople that’s ok, just go to teacherola.com/84 and download it. After you do that I’ll send you a few emails describing my story, my message, why I do what I do. You’ll also start receiving the worksheet weekly. It’s free. It’s straight from my heart, so see you there!
Let’s summarise what we’ve talked about today? We talked about 4 and one bonus ways of dealing with the fear of judgment. Number one: talk yourself out of it, be your best friend, look and the situation rationally or think about the best possible outcome. Remember you’ll be just fine. Number two, fake it till you make it. Power poses, employing science, hormones to work for you. Number three study. Study regularly, but also be laser focused on what you exactly need for a particular situation. Number four, visualise. Close your eyes and see yourself speaking English fearlessly. Really powerful method. Gives your brain a very clear image of what you want to happen. So you’re here today, and this vision presents where you wanna be tomorrow.
Your brain is now focused on filling the gap between the present and the future you wanna see for yourself. Number five, a bonus one, affirmations. Say them out loud, or whisper, or write somewhere and see how it works.
If you find this episode useful tell your friends about my podcast, share it with one person. It’ll help me grow and spread the message.
Thank you so much for listening and I’ll see you next Wednesday! We’re going to learn why you should stop saying ‘I know’, and what to say instead. Happy learning. Take care! Stay fearless and say it out loud! Bye!