TOP 2: How To Start Lead And Finish an Enjoyable Conversation

Hey there, this is Teacher ola podcast episode 2. How to start lead and finish an enjoyable conversation.

My name’s Ola and I am an online English teacher.

This podcast is for you if you’re an English learner who wants to speak English with more confidence and get rid of speaking barriers. You’ll boost your vocabulary, brush up your grammar, improve your pronunciation,  see how to have a tense-free conversation with another English-speaking human being! Go to my website for full transcripts and worksheets to each episode. Happy learning!

Thank you for tuning in. On my website, you’ll find a full transcript of this episode and it’s word to word so you can see an exact written version of this episode. I have also prepared a worksheet for you. The worksheet is designed to help you use some of the vocab from this episode. After listening,  go to teacherola.com/2.

Now, 

Let me tell you the long story short. 6 years ago I was at the wedding. Polish wedding. One of the guests, sitting next to me was English. He was as English as one can be, no Polish in his vocabulary whatsoever. I was introduced to him, by his girlfriend (Polish), I said hello, smiled a lot and that’s it. I was doing my best to avoid him. Trying to spend all the time with other guests, I was dancing a lot that night! Which isn’t my thing… Well, can you relate? Have you ever had such a situation? If you have, you know how stressful and tiring it can be!

Do you know what I felt afterward? Regret. I regretted the lost opportunity to practice my speaking but also I lost the opportunity to get to know another person which is always a loss, right?

What I was missing then, was the ability to start and lead a smooth nice small talk. Just that. The words small talk (s m a l l t a l k) sound like something easy. But I know and you know as well, small talk is the hardest! Oh, no, wait, the hardest part is to finish a small talk. Let’s dive deeper into what small talk is, how to start it, what words and phrases make small talk smooth and natural, how to finish it, and finally, my tips on small talk. My own tactics to make them pleasant, natural, not awkward at all!

Small talk, after Oxford Learner’s Dictionary is a polite conversation about ordinary or unimportant subjects, especially at social occasions. Nothing new, I know, but the thing is: it’s supposed to be fun. FUN. No stress, no pressure, enjoyment. We can play with it, have a laugh, make friends and so on. 

Now, how to start a small talk:

1. Smile! It can be just enough, if you’re lucky enough to come across an extrovert. If you make the first step they will probably take it from here. You can go further and say your name 🙂 I know what you’re thinking! Stay with me! It works! Just try it 🙂 Hey, my name is Ola. That’s the conversation starter you need.
2. Make a statement. Say out loud what you’re thinking. For example The music is rubbish here. OR I love the decorations! OR Look at thas place, it’s soo crowded, whats is this all about? I’m more than sure that somebody will agree with you, or maybe disagree it doesn’t matter, there will be some traction! Interaction.
3. Ask simple and short questions: For example: Where’s the coffee machine? Is there a taxi rank near here? Can you recommend a nice place for lunch?

All 3 things I’ve given you just now seem silly, but that’s good. We’re just starting a conversation, you wanna make the first step, you need to catch somebody’s attention. 

Hey, a digression, remember the wedding story? I didn’t have to start a conversation, somebody did it for me, my conversation- partner-to-be was introduced to me, I had him on a plate! 

So, just to sum it up, I’ll give you again the three tips on how to start a small talk so number 1 is smile, smile and say your name, number 2 make a statement, number 3 ask simple, short questions.

Ok, let’s get deeper in this shallow topic and let’s talk about some ways of keeping the conversation going. You have said or done something very simple and maybe a little silly but now you want to make the conversation interesting.

1. Ask open questions. Open-ended questions. So at the beginning, you asked a silly question (Where’s the coffee machine?) and now you need to ask an open-ended question. Good question. Questions which give you lots of new conversation ideas. Good examples are: What do you like to do outside work? What’s the most exciting part of your work? Tell me some unknown facts about you. Why are you here? What’s your favorite Netflix show and why? Or something along these lines, but you see, these are open-ended questions. After you ask them you get a wave of words, choose some of them to make up the next question. Of course, the question depends on how much you know about that person, where you are, what’s the occasion. The main topics you can cover almost always are food, entertainment, location, hobbies, sports, weather, and work.
2. Give compliments. You want people to like you, why wouldn’t you?!? Soooo, use this very easy and proven way to do so. Compliment people. The thing is if you just say ‘You look great’ it won’t make a conversation, right? You need to be specific, like very specific and I highly recommend finishing your compliment with a question because some people may feel uncomfortable receiving a compliment and the question at the end makes it a lot easier. Example: You changed your hairstyle, it really suits you! What made you change it? I hear you know everything about history films, which is really amazing. Are you a historian? So you know, you do a bit of guessing here and that game is fun and you know, it makes the other person feel very good. They feel like they are experts in some area. 
3. Share your story. I mean, tell others something about you, share some thoughts (statements). You don’t wanna be a journalist only asking questions, and receiving answers, that doesn’t feel right. It’s not a conversation it’s just an interview. But maybe you could find something you both have in common? For example: You live in London? How exciting! I’ve been there a few times as a tourist, what do you like about that city?

Now, let’s get into how to end a small talk. 

Sometimes awkward, at times problematic, but you know what helps me to say the finishing words? The thought that the other person wants that too 🙂 I just make it easier for him or her 🙂 

1. Anyway… Use this word, it’s helpful. For example: Yeah, I see a lot has been happening in your industry lately. I would love to hear some more. Anyways, I’ll get back to you later. 
2. Be honest. If you’re running out of time if you have different plans if you don’t feel very well just say it and finish the conversation. You can use something along these lines: “It was good running into you. I gotta finish this shopping before my children come back from kindergarten’’. “Sorry I can’t talk longer. I’m already late. Talk to you later!’’
3. I’ll let you get back to ….. Soo powerful. It makes the other person believe you worry about them. Say something like: Anyway, it was good seeing you, I’ll let you get back to your reading/work/shopping/walk.

As I promised, my personal tips to make small talk even better:

1. Put your smartphone away. The reason is obvious. Do not take it out under no circumstances. I mean: you came across a question, you don’t remember that actor’s name, that film title, I don’t care, check it later, ask somebody else (and start a new small talk) but do not take your smartphone in your hand. 
2. Take off your sunglasses. Oh, it’s so irritating, just take them off, shorten the distance, be normal.
3. Ask closed questions. Of course, open questions are great but closed ones are also natural, you shouldn’t avoid them. Keep balance between these two types of questions. Ask about 3 closed questions for each open one. Examples of closed questions are: Did you like it? Where did you buy it? Did it feel right? Who did you go with? Where did you go?
4. Listen actively, be engaged, be interested and smile.

Ok, time for practice. Repeat after me:

1. The music is rubbish here. 
2. Is there a taxi rank near here? 
3. You’ve changed your hairstyle, it really suits you!
4. I’ve been there a few times but as a tourist
5. Anyways, I’ll get back to you later. 
6. It was good running into you.
7. I’ll let you get back to your reading

Now, 

Do you have your personal favorite ways of starting a small talk? How do you keep it going? What do you say when an awkward silence appears? I’m curious, let me know in the comments on my website.

Teacherola.com/2, there you’ll find full transcript as well as worksheets.

If you think someone you know could benefit from this episode, do tell him or her about it.

Next episode is all about music as a tool for learning a language. How to learn a language with songs! As an example I used Ed Sheeran’s ‘I Don’t Care’. Make sure to subscribe and do not miss it!

We’ll get in touch really soon, thank you for listening and till next time! Happy learning.