Hey there! This is TOP episode 319. Keeping the Peace at Christmas: Polite Phrases for Tough Moments
You read English. You understand English. You’ve been learning for years, but when it’s time to speak your mind just freezes, and the words don’t come out. If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone. My name’s Ola, and this is Teacher Ola Podcast. I’m here to help you finally speak out loud. This isn’t about perfect grammar or fancy vocabulary. This is about your voice. Your words. Your real English.
Welcome to today’s episode. Christmas can be wonderful, but it often comes with situations that test our patience and communication skills. Maybe someone makes a sharp comment, asks something too personal, or keeps complaining when you’re trying to enjoy the evening. Today, I’ll walk you through five common Christmas moments like these and show you how to respond in a way that is polite, calm, and firm at the same time. Everything in this episode is practical, natural, and easy to use right away.
After that, we’ll move to the speaking practice. You’ll hear a set of sentences and repeat them out loud with me. It’s a simple form of practice, but very effective, you get used to speaking English, you hear your own voice, and you start using the phrases automatically. These aren’t the typical “just ignore it” or “smile and move on” suggestions. These are communication tools based on psychology, negotiation techniques, and emotionally intelligent language. And everything I’m giving you today is meant to help you keep the peace without sacrificing your boundaries.
Let’s start with the first situation: when someone makes a rude or hurtful comment. It’s that classic moment when someone says something sharp about your appearance, your weight, your relationship, your job, anything that goes directly under your skin. What usually happens is we either freeze, or we defend ourselves, or we try to pretend it didn’t hurt. But there is a more stable, confident option, and it comes from a technique used in conflict de-escalation: name it, neutralise it, and move on. So you could say something like, “That was a sharp comment. I’d like to keep today peaceful, so let’s go back to something lighter.” It’s honest, it’s clear, and it stops the conversation without creating a fight. Another option is to reflect the intention back to them in a calm way: “I’m not sure what you meant by that, but I’m choosing not to take it personally.” You’re not accusing them, you’re not escalating, you’re simply stepping out of the emotional trap. Or you can set a boundary by pointing to a value: “Let’s stay respectful today. It matters to me.” It’s warm, but it draws a line. The idea is to protect yourself without punishing the other person, and without humiliating them.
The second situation is when someone asks intrusive questions. Christmas seems to be the Olympics of inappropriate curiosity. Suddenly everyone feels authorised to ask about your relationship, your career, your salary, your plans for children, your house, your weight, your life goals. And again, answering directly is not always the best choice, because it forces you into an emotionally loaded conversation you didn’t choose. A more elegant technique is what I call the “soft mist” response: you acknowledge, you gently block, and you move the conversation somewhere safer. For example, “Oh, that’s a big question. I’m keeping those things private — but tell me, how was your trip?” It’s smooth, it’s friendly, and the other person doesn’t feel slapped. Another option is a soft boundary: “I keep that part of my life just for myself. But I’d love to know how you’re doing these days.” And there’s also the warm humour shield, which is perfect if you don’t want to get too serious: “That answer is under construction. I’ll let you know when it’s ready.” The goal here is not to shut the person down, but to steer the conversation away from your privacy while still keeping the connection.
The third situation is passive-aggressive behaviour. Christmas is full of these tiny comments that carry a very clear message but hide behind a tone of politeness. Things like, “Wow, you finally decided to show up.” Or, “Must be nice to have so much free time.” Or, “I guess we’re not important enough for you.” Or even, “I wouldn’t have chosen that dress, but okay.” These aren’t direct attacks, but you feel the pressure behind them. The trick here is not to fight the words, but to address the emotion underneath. When you notice the feeling behind the comment, the tension dissolves. You can say, “It sounds like you wanted me here earlier. I get that. I’m glad I’m here now.” Suddenly the person has nothing to push against. Or you can use a boundary with warmth: “I hear some tension there. Let’s not go in that direction today. What can I help with?” You maintain the relationship and redirect. Or, if you prefer keeping it very simple: “I’m choosing not to read too much into that. Let’s move on.” It shows emotional control without denying your own dignity.
The fourth situation is when someone complains non-stop. For some people, Christmas is basically one long monologue about everything that’s wrong: the food, the weather, the gifts, the traffic, the relatives, the state of the world. And when someone is stuck in that pattern, they’re usually overwhelmed, anxious, or tired. A good approach is the gentle interruption: you acknowledge their feeling, but you don’t feed the negativity. You might say, “Sounds like it’s been a heavy day. What would help you relax a bit right now?” Or, if the conversation is heading into a topic you truly don’t want to enter, you can use a topic-changing strategy here, it fits perfectly. Something like, “Yes, that’s quite heavy. For now, how’s your holiday going?” This shifts the emotional atmosphere without making them feel judged or silenced. The message you’re sending is: I hear you, but I’m not joining the spiral.
And finally, the fifth situation is when you need a break from people. Christmas gatherings can be overstimulating: the noise, the conversations, the expectations, the emotions. Sometimes you simply need to step outside, breathe, and come back as a functioning human being. What you want here is honest self-reference, not excuses. You can say, “I need a quick breather, just a few minutes. I’ll be right back.” Or, “Give me two minutes, I just need to clear my head.” You are not blaming the group, you are not withdrawing dramatically, you’re simply taking care of yourself.
And that’s the heart of this whole episode: you’re not trying to win arguments, you’re not trying to dominate the conversation, and you’re not trying to change people. You’re simply choosing the tone you want for your Christmas, and using language that protects your peace without wounding anyone else. These tools let you stay kind, stay steady, and keep the atmosphere warm, even when someone else is struggling with their own stress or frustration.
Now we’re going to switch into the active part of the episode, the part where you don’t just listen, you actually speak. In a moment, I’ll read several sentences from today’s lesson, and your job is to repeat them out loud. Don’t whisper, don’t just say them in your head, speak them with your real voice. This kind of practice wakes up your speaking muscles, builds confidence, and helps your brain store entire phrases, not just single words.
This is amazing practice, and I’m so glad you’re doing it. But remember, it’s only one type of practice. Repeating after me is powerful, it’s effective, it helps you hear yourself in English — but it’s still only you and me here. And at some point, every learner reaches the moment when they need real conversations. Real people, real reactions, real situations. That’s when progress becomes natural, when you stop translating, and when speaking starts to feel like simply… being yourself in another language.
That’s exactly why I run small conversation groups. The whole idea behind them is simple: instead of waiting for the perfect moment to practise English “somewhere out there”, you join a space where speaking is the whole point. I match people by level, I give you specific tasks to complete, and I guide you through the process so you always know what to do. You’re not thrown into chaos — you’re supported, challenged, and heard. And you never practise alone.
I want you to experience what happens when daily speaking becomes normal. When you hear your own voice in English every day, when you answer real questions, when you react to other people, when you build the habit of speaking without fear. That’s the environment where your English stops being a “project” and starts being a skill you actually use.
So let’s begin the speaking part of today’s episode. I’ll say each sentence clearly. You take a breath, and then repeat it with confidence. Let’s practise together — out loud.
I keep that part of my life just for myself.
But I’d love to know how you’re doing these days.
That answer is under construction.
I’ll let you know when it’s ready.
It sounds like you wanted me here earlier.
I hear some tension there.
Let’s not go in that direction today.
What can I help with?
Sounds like it’s been a heavy day.
What would help you relax a bit right now?
I’ll be right back.
That’s all from me now. Don’t forget to head to teacherola.com/319 and grab your free worksheet. It’ll help you repeat the key phrases from this lesson.
Join my Voice Loop program, new groups are being formed. Go to https://teacherola.com/grupy and sign up! teacherola.com/grupy.
Thank you so much for listening. Stay fearless, take care, and say it out loud! I’m your teacher, Teacher Ola, and you’ve been listening to Teacher Ola Podcast. Bye for now!